he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize