Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
