I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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