he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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