I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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