Already got asked if we're dating
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
