drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
