Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
