put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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