whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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