Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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