Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
