His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
