my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
