From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
