I wannas sexs uuuuu
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
