I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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