I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
