Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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