I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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