how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
