You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
