girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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