I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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