did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
