I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
