He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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