mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
