I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
