I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
