There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No subtext here. People are naked.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
