called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
