uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
