i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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