I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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