If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
