Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
