you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
