dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
