thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
