I saw his package. It spoke to me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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