Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
