WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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