Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
