I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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