Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
