Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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