They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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