it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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