Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
