I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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