U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
