Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
