I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
