Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
