Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
