I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
