I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
