I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
