I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
