What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
