Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize