so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
