I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
