addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
