Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
