I got chris browned last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
