omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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