2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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