hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize