My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
