it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
