i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
