I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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