I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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