I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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