Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
