I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
