your thong is hanging out like whoa
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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