got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize