After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
