Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
