Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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