im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
