Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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