I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
