I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize