My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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