So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
