So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize