what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
