i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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