dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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