Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
