I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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