When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize