ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
