He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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