The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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