i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
